How to Find your One True Love

Disclaimer: This is not a list I want to enforce to anyone. This is just a guideline I wrote for myself that I am sharing. Each individual have different perspectives, principles, beliefs, wants, likes, hates etc. I am not saying people who have the characteristics on my must not is bad or not worthy to be love. It is just me and these are my own standards. Peace! Lab lab lab! LOL.

NEGOTIABLE:

1. Physical Appearance (My ideal: fair, clean-cut, smart looking)
2. Age (older than me, 1-10 years)
3. Asset/savings (more than mine). As if I have a lot of savings. Haha. I was just being practical when I wrote this.
4. Profession (equal or higher than mine)
5. Education (same with profession)
6. Interests (same as mine)
7. Long distance relationship (if we are more than a year or I really trust him)

NON-NEGOTIABLE:

1. Good person. God-centered/God-fearing. I guess I edited it and just put the good person later. I know that there are many good people that are not really religious and it doesn’t change the fact that they still choose to live following the golden rule. Let us not dwell on the technicalities of ethics here cause I know some will ask, what constitute a good person?How can you say someone is really a good person?That is for you to answer, we all have our own definition of “good”. Mine is as long as he don’t intentionally harm other people especially me and my love ones. I mean “harm” in all areas, physical, emotional, verbal etc.
2. I’m comfortable with him. I can never ever be with someone that I am not really comfortable with. I know that some will say that later on you will be comfortable as time goes by but I proved that there are some people that even after a long time, I am still not 100% comfortable and this is in direct relation if I know I can trust them or not. If I cannot be comfortable or I don’t trust someone in the beginning, I still cannot later. To be comfortable with someone even in silence is a piece of heaven for me.
3. Responsible. I cannot trust someone who cannot even be responsible of himself, of his own life, of  his own decision.
4. No addiction. Non-smoker. Non-alcoholic. Not drug addict etc. I love myself. No further explanation needed.
5. Financially Stable/Literate. I guess I am still conservative in some areas just like how I still believe that the man should still be the primary provider in the family unless he is disable or incapable because of sickness or other valid reason (though I cannot think of any other right now). Some disable men is still able to provide for their family or for themselves. Helping each other as partners is ideally good but I think it is a blessing if the man can provide enough for the needs of the family and the woman can still help but she can focus more on managing the house and being with the children to guide them especially on their childhood years which is the foundation of an individual (yeah, I think in advance, LOL).  Both parents are needed but I believe that at least one parent being able to focus more on the children and spend more time with them is necessarily important. After providing the needs, being with them (physically and emotionally) is the next if not the most important thing.
6. Emotionally healthy. I experienced being drained after being with someone who is not emotionally healthy. There are people who have sickness and needs help, and they know it, and they do something about it. However, a person who doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that he/she needs help is a big headache (for lack of a better appropriate adjective). We all thought that love is infinite and it doesn’t drain but we people who give love can feel drained, tired, unhappy  and unloved. I realized that like a battery, we all need to be recharge, we need to feel love to give love. We need to have some love to actually give it, especially continuously. Just like how Gary Chapman call it in his book “The Five Love Languages”, we all have “love tanks” that needs to be refill and we are at our best when it is full. Being with someone who is emotionally unhealthy and is not cooperative enough to get some help and don’t give you the love you deserve and needed will make you feel drained and I believe nobody wants that. I don’t want that.
7. Love his own family. Unless there is a dark valid reason why someone doesn’t love his own family (and it should make sense to me), I cannot be with someone who doesn’t even love his own family. I don’t want a mama’s boy either. I need a man not a boy. A man who loves his own family will surely love his future family, our own family, and for sure even better.

MUST NEVER HAVE/MUST NOT/DON’T/NO TO THESE:

1. Don’t smoke. No smoking addiction.
2. Not depressed. Must not be depressed always (or if it is really an illness, should be willing to get professional help).
3. Not pessimistic. Must not be pessimistic. Being realistic is different.
4. No problem with anger management. No one wants to be a battered wife. Physically or emotionally.
5. Not married. Not adulterer or have another girlfriend/s other than me. Cheating is non-negotiable. If you can cheat me once, you can do it easier next time. I can forgive but I can’t forget. Even if I intentionally try, it will still be in my subconscious, a ghost that will hunt me. I know myself that much so NO.

MUST HAVES/YES TO THESE:

1. Same intelligence. Oops. I mean the level of intelligence. Sorry if this sounds narcissistic (but not really sorry, hehe). I know there are many types of intelligence. I also believe we are all intelligent in our own way. But yes, I am serious on this. I need to be attracted to his mind too.
2. Good communication skills. I cannot live with someone whom I cannot communicate with. There are some people who are very sensitive, people who cannot express themselves or even try to help me understand them better. A relationship is a two way street. It takes two to tango. I need help to work things out. I am not good at guessing. I don’t like dramas. If you don’t want to talk to me, then at least write or listen to me then answer me. Read my letter and reply. Use any good communication skill you have to communicate with me.
3. Sense of humor. He may be weird in his own cute way. Other people may not get him but as long as I do, as long as I find his jokes funny, that is more than enough for me.
4. Organized. I am not a clean freak but I tend to be really organize. The order of my things make sense to me. I hope to find someone who can work better in an organized environment. Less is better, less trash, less things that are not really needed. Haha.
5. Open-minded. Knowledge is neutral for me. It is how you decide to use it that it becomes good or bad. I read everything I can. It is important for me to talk all kind of things and any topic to my future husband.
6. Sense of loyalty/commitment. I will fully commit, dedicate myself to the person I choose to love. I know that I will be loyal to him until the end. I expect the same thing from him.

I realized that all the characteristics I listed are also the characteristics I have or I believe I have. I love the way I want to be love. Expecting is human nature. We get the love we think we deserve. I know what I want and what I deserve and it is best to know yours too.

There will be challenges for sure. Being trap in a routine or be boring is one of my greatest fears. I told my fiance about this and we agreed to do our best to bring back the spark or ignite it back when it is disappearing. Though, I think there is a peaceful kind of boring or routine and we both look forward on sharing that with each other. We both believe that love is a choice. A mutual decision. A partnership (though we agree that “me” time is still needed from time to time). A compromise. Love is thinking of the other person and wanting to make him/her happy cause it makes you happy, they make you happy, he/she makes you happy. I love the fact that we agree on the important things, on what we believe the foundation of a strong relationship. I hate that promises are made to be broken which is why I rather try and do things first than promising them but sometimes words help a lot too to convey our feelings. I rather plan than make promises though technically they are connected. Words and actions should be partners in love, in showing love, in making someone feel you love them. These may all sound too idealistic, but if we aim it, we work for it, we can get it. We enjoy what we work for, what we enjoy working for, and what we love working for cause we know it will give us the greatest reward, a love that will last this lifetime or may even transcend this lifetime.

*The photo below is the actual photo of my list, written years ago before I actually met my fiance. I wrote this after reading again and having my own copy of How to Find your One True love by Bo Sanchez. I first read it when I was in college, borrowed from a roommate. I disregard and intentionally forgot this list for so long and when I visited it again, I was surprised that he is like an output turned into reality of the things I wrote. Haha. I guess these things are subconsciously written in my mind and heart all this time.